These kinds of feelings are even stronger now that my best friend is not with me on a day to day basis. We spent (no lived) so much time together that we always knew what the next day would bring. There was a kind of pre-defined organization to the calendar.
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| Sandra Lee "Rocky" |
Sandy was always up on our appointments, people's birthdays, events for family, what was needed for tax records, etc. I was always amazed at how organized she was. There was little I had to be concerned about because she always brought me up to date or quizzed me about things I might have forgotten to plan for.
Now days I find myself questioning every move I need to make every morning. I faithfully check the online bank account to see if I forgot something and got overdrawn. I have to remind myself to take my morning pills, diabetes monitor and blood pressure to record for the next doctor visit. She made me promise her to take better care of myself after our parting. I'm doing my best, but I still get distracted and sometimes forget.
If it weren't for commitments like my Star Wars fan clubs activities, I'd have little focus other than home and medical necessities. Knowing that events are scheduled and there is sewing to do helps me to find a plan for the days ahead. For this I am grateful. I look forward to interacting with my fellow costumers, who've now become some of my closest friends. I now can try to watch over them and offer my feeble advice to try to help them find an easier and constructive way through turmoils that I've already experienced. It doesn't really matter if they take my advice, it's that I have a chance to express my concern and offer what might be helpful to them.My hope is that as I get use to being on my own that I will feel more confident and relaxed about each approaching day, month, year. That I will see new opportunities for enjoying my time that remains in this realm. I have a strong knowledge and faith in what the eternal world has in store for myself and others, and that gives me support to keep looking onward.
It pains me to see other people facing similar life circumstances without much hope in what their future holds. I find myself tempted to approach someone who is sitting alone at a lunch table with a sadness in their eyes, whether they be old or young, wishing I could share with them the comfort of knowing there are things to look forward to. And once in a while the opportunity presents itself to talk with a stranger and make them feel less alone.
The good thing I am learning is just how quickly time moves as one matures (well... gets older). That I don't have to anticipate things for what seems like little eternities, like when I was a kid waiting for a vacation or contest award. It assures me that the realization of going Home and being with my beloved is not such a distant time and place. But I'm also reminded that there is less time to pull together the loose ends of my life before meeting her again. I think she is still trying to help me get organized. I need to pay more attention.
