100 Facts Challenge

1. My name is Charles Arthur Foltz. If you swap the first two names in the old English is means "marvelous man".
2. My only nickname as an adult is Chuck. As a kid, I grew to hate Charlie cause bullies turned it into Charliehorse.
3. I was born January, 1947; the year the Cold War officially started by Congress approving the Truman Doctrine to limit the spread of Communism. Fail!
4. My typing speed reached about 65 wpm when I was doing legals and editorial letters for the newspaper. Glad I only did that for a year and a half.
5. I started working with computers when all you could see on the screen were codes. So glad when WZYWIG (what you see is what you get) came along.
6. Graduated from Alhambra High in California after my family pulled me out of Pekin High in Illinois so Dad could get to the coast before he turned forty. He thought his opportunities would be limited if he waited. Dumb!
7. I was eating lunch at PCHS the day that John F. Kennedy was assassinated. They piped the newscast through the school and some thought it was a joke.
8. My hair, such as remains, is Auburn color and my eyes are brown. My hair in grade school was so brilliant that the called me Carrot Top.
9. I'm 5' 10 1/2” tall, and near my marriage weight of 176 pounds.
10. I started toward a music teaching career up into university days, but got sidetracked into the oil business to support a growing family. Just ask me if you want to know what that first oil crisis was all about.
11. I was married to a beautiful redhead who bore me four striking redheads from her wheelchair. Our 42 years together still was not enough.
12. Never wanted to sleep alone, and never owned a twin bed until cancer took my bride.
13. Though I came from the Midwest with warm summers, I'm always cold. I loved to sleep under my grandma's heavy handmade quilts.
14. I love very melodic music, some country, early rock and classical. But I consider hard rock and rap to be only rudimentary chant and not real music. Beethoven probably has rolled in his grave many times.
15. I admire people who can play piano and guitar, but I wasn't dedicated enough to learn myself. I got a little keyboard when studying for my teaching cert.
16. By today's standards I might have been a “gifted” child. Someone thought up I.Q. (intelligent quotient) tests and they became the bane of my existence as everyone kept reminding me of my “potential” whenever I didn't want to apply my self.
17. The mechanical gene runs in my family. My dad and younger brother both were always crawling under cars, and I couldn't stand the grease under the fingernails.
18. As a very visual person, I grew to love epic films... especially historical and fantasy. Like “The Ten Commandments” and “Fantasia”.
19. My first major hobby was amateur radio. Loved talking to the world over the ether. However, I never was able to overcome my dyslexia with circuit diagrams.
20. My next interest became genealogy. I was the first, thanks to the Internet, in the family to locate our original progenitor who arrived in the colonies in 1751 from somewhere in Germany.
21. Current passion is sewing and wearing Star Wars costumes to help charities and make some appearance for LucasFilm Ltd. I love to see the faces of children and adults light up when our clubs show up!
22. I was born in St. Mary's Hospital in Centralia, Illinois. When I arrived, I was dyed purple by a drug my mother had taken, so they thought at first that I had been deprived of oxygen. Anyone who listens to my constant jabber now knows that is far from the truth.
23. I've had surgeries for appendicitis, tonsillitis, hernia and lately will have some parathyroids removed.
24. My most youthful proud moment came in passing the jocks at junior high to get to the front of the line for immunization shots. I spent ten days in a hospital for suspected rheumatic fever and got a tray full of hypodermics every day. So I have no fear of needles.
25. I am a dog lover. However, I do recognize the attention and training they need to be at home. The cats we had over the years were better behaved, but too independent and aloof for me.
26. Always enjoyed dancing of any kind. I did Ballroom, Polynesian, Middle Easter folk, Russian folk and even took ballet. Gave up Square when the caller wanted us to learn it on rollerskates.
27. Had the wisdom teeth out due to impaction after I was married. They didn't see the flared roots on x-ray, so had a pretty long recovery because of the large holes they left in my jawbone. Didn't seem to affect my wisdom though.
28. Only traveled outside the nation once to Victoria, Alberta, Canada. Planning to get a passport and have some items on my bucket list like cruising to the British Isles and maybe on to Israel. Might even takes some good friends along.
29. Have always loved riding bikes and graduated to motorcycles by college time. Our only son, Rusty, was killed on one, but I still have that desire to ride in my blood.
30. I've been blessed with some innate art talent, but frustrated my teachers by only doing well when I felt motivated. My best medium in college was charcoal. Got really mad when our professor at quarter end threw out everyone's work, so we had nothing for portfolio.
31. In female relations I was precocious. By junior high I was riding my bicycle to a neighboring town to visit my Sophomore girlfriend. Needless to say I lost her to a Junior with a car.
32. My belief in a Creator was spawned by my dad's mother during the summers I spent at her place. She made sure I went to church and bible school. I'm eternally grateful to her, but she would have fainted if she had known I followed my mom's mother in becoming a Mormon.
33. I am a meat and potatoes kind of diner using very little seasoning. I miss the flavors of food when they are overly enhanced by spices.
34. While I don't accept it myself, I've always been picked as a leader of groups. Probably it's due to my love of organizing things and that I talk too much.
35. I became interested in singing when I found the high school band director in California was such a dweeb. The choral department had a real director. I had so few credits to make up to finish school that I spent the extra free time joining choir, glee and even Madrigals. The conferences I sang in were wonderful experiences.
36. I take pleasure from sewing and dressing as characters from Star Wars. As a member of three of the world's largest costuming clubs, I'm able to help charities raise many thousands by just making photo appearances. Even LucasFilm Ltd. calls on us to appear.
37. I taught myself to sew since my wife didn't enjoy it even before ending up in a wheelchair. Repairing kid's clothes set the stage for my costume wardrobe.
38. My daughter brought the point that I was born under the sign of Aquarius which is a water sign for a dreamer, well that's for sure! I taught myself to swim by jumping from a boat dock into 20 feet of water after watching Olympic swimmers on black and white TV.
39. I never went through the little boy stage of hating girls. A youth counselor (shrink) told me that I'd always been seeking a wife even as a child. I spent a lot of time around the girls, because I thought the boy's conversations were a bit limited.
40. I learn in a linear (sequential) fashion. I have difficulty picking up a skill if it comes in pieces out of order. But once I've done something sequentially a few times I seldom forget it.
41. I'm very systematic in my thinking. I need to understand my part in a larger system before I'm comfortable. This has made more than one supervisor uncomfortable.
42. I too often expect other people to have the same values as I. The most I expect is for others to recognize the importance of integrity and honesty. Probably why I've never done well as a salesman.
43. My parents are from Pennsylvania “Dutch” farm stock. The irony is that I have no talent or desire to work with plants.
44. I was never considered and overachiever. Once in marriage counseling I found that I was a “Defeated Perfectionist”, meaning that I made lists of tasks that could not be completed in the time allotted, thus unconsciously sabotaging myself to exhaustion.
45. I knew how to cook, but loved baking as a youth. Now, I have little or no interest in preparing foods.
46. Trivia collection is one of my weaknesses. Anything I find interesting gets mentally recorded. Most of the time it's not practical information.
47. I love great minds and have become an amateur science and philosophy buff. From Aristotle to quantum physics, I'm your man.
48. Personal hygiene is important to me. I'd rather take a shower with a scrub brush than soak in the tube.
49. Maybe I'm a little empathic since I feel sensitive to other people's joys and trials. I find myself remorsing or cheering with them.
50. I'm drawn to photography, perhaps because my dad did portraits and had a darkroom behind the house. I love photo displays at galleries more than paintings. But I have no natural eye for composition. However, with the guidance of a close and talented friend I'm starting to learn.
51. While not overtly a courageous person, thanks to my mother's teachings I will stand up for what is right for myself and others.
52. My emotional responses to things like love and devotion are seated deep within. I don't take intimate issues lightly.
53. I drive a Subaru Forester with 100k miles on it. Might be looking for a new Scion x-B box since it has good gas mileage and lots of room. But also because it looks like an Imperial Walker without the mechanical legs from Star Wars film.
54. I love the sound of a mature female voice, not the constricted squeaky voice of young girls that I find annoying.
55. Music styles that are multi-tonal like Asian, Indian, Near Eastern, Polynesian and Russian choirs I'm captivated by.
56. It's difficult to ever quiet my mind completely. I'm unable to drift in thought.
57. My favorite color group is deep red to purple. Perhaps I'm a Sith.
58. I would not qualify as a collector. If an object interests me, I wouldn't leave wrapped on a shelf to preserve it's resale value.
59. I'm plagued by Tinnitus (ringing in the ears). It comes and goes in volume, but is incurable and never goes away.
60. Math and I are not friends. Anything beyond the basics is foreign to me. Any developed interest was crushed in high school with the introduction of the New Math.
61. I respect authority figures when they deserve that respect. I once lost a job by hanging up the phone on an abusive office manager who just happen to be the best friend of the head of our division.
62. I have a good ear for foreign accents, but no facility to learn languages.
63. I have no love for acquiring wealth. The only time I desire it is when I see someone's need I could fulfill if I had it. I think you have to be interested in it if you want to get rich.
64. People see me as an extravert because I go out of the way to interact with others. Most of the time it's really a safety mechanism to reassure my position.
65. The idea of competition is highly overrated in my view. Professional sports causes people to set aside integrity to gain unfair advantage in building prestige and wealth.
66. I'm considered a good teacher by many. Perhaps due to my love of organizing thoughts and watching the reactions of others when they understand what I'm trying to get across. I gear my ideas to the most easily understood concepts.
67. Fear has been my constant companion all my life. I don't remember every taking risks just for pleasure. Maybe there's some Anakin blood there.
68. Reading has been my doorway to places and things that I could or would never experience in person. This also includes my love of films.
69. I once attempted to sell Amway and HerbaLife to add financial support for the family. Not up my alley.
70. I like having fantasy reminders around me like my posters and toys from Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, etc. They enrich my imagination when life gets dull.
71. My heroes are Jesus Christ, Moses, Joseph Smith, George Lucas, Abraham Lincoln and Robert E. Lee.
72. I have a formidable sweet tooth. Unguarded it can get me into health issues.
73. Never tell a child what his potential is after an I.Q. Test when his actions don't measure up to the results. The person that invented this stuff should have been deported.
74. I've spent most of my life seeking reason.
75. Never satisfied with the status quo. There are always better ways to do everything.
76. Worked in school as a carhop for one of the finest businessmen I've ever known, Ted Xanos. He cared for everyone, including those who worked for him and set a healthy example for concern and fairness.
77. I always expect the best of people until they prove that trust unworthy. Without trust change is futile.
78. Never thought I would outlive any of my children. I've not gotten completely over feelings of guilt that I didn't give my son the attention he needed while growing up.
79. I miss my sweet friend and wife of 44 years. I don't expect to have that kind of intimacy again in this life.
80. Gifts and awards make me feel awkward. A kind word is so much more to me than any other recognition.
81. Graduated from community college with A.A degree to allow myself to pursue a career that was just for my satisfaction and not some necessity for advancement.
82. Dropped out of university when faced with a weak economy and a calculus class after a three and a half years invested. But the time was not a waste.
83. I miss old time live radio dramas that painted the stage in my mind.
84. Worked in an emergency alarm center and was complimented by a communications instructor from the phone company on having the kind of voice that would calm someone on the line in a crisis.
85. I over-analyze everything, but have trouble seeing myself through other people's eyes and perspective.
86. I appreciate visual beauty like any healthy male, but become most sexually aroused by physical touch. A beauty through the skin, not reflected in the eye.
87. My fantasy heroes are Obi-Wan, Yoda, Paul Atreides, Duncan Idaho, Commander Data and Captain Picard.
88. I spent two years of my life voluntarily sharing my love of the knowledge of restored truth to my brothers and sisters in the southern states. They in return gave me a college degree level education in Sociology.
89. Sandra and I were joined for eternity during the Viet Nam War. My change of draft status prevented me from serving in the military because of the care she required. I've often wondered what life would be like today if I'd taken the other path.
90. Never enjoyed formal education, but I can deeply enjoy studying things that catch my interest.
91. I don't laugh enough. When I do it is to abandon sometimes.
92. I treasure peaceful moods. The quiet in a distant meadow, the shelter of a thick forest, the sound of rushing waters and the endless changing forms in the clouds. These cause contemplation and centering for me.
93. A kayak has more attraction to me than a powered boat. It allows me to reach close to wildlife and see their perspective from a watery surface.
94. My best school skill was outlining. Trying to remember bits and pieces of a lecture was too confusing, so I listened for the elements of the lecture notes that the professor had written to guide his lesson. I left class with his notes in my book to study later.
95. My eyesight has always been excellent for distance. As a youth I had to wear glasses to prevent the muscles from crossing my eyes from close up strain.
96. My curiosity is insatiable. I will sit and look through family albums of people I don't even know.
97. Knowing what to defend is arbitrary until I fully understand other viewpoints. I could never condemn anyone's beliefs because they didn't see things the way I do.
98. I'm convinced there is no such thing as “relative” truth. Real truth stands alone in any context and cannot be destroyed by a change in perspective. Truth is truth wherever you find it.
99. Learning is endless. There are no final graduations from knowledge. To stop learning would mean the eventual loss of what had already been acquired.
100. I see all existence as a vast interconnected living network. All things have purpose and beneath apparent chaos there is order. It all depends on how close one is willing to look.

Loving Comforts

Well, here's another blurb from this infrequent blogger.

I'm inspired lately because of some wonderful lady friends (fellow Jedi) that have adopted me into their world and hearts. We have had a few opportunities lately to get together over some distance and gone out to take pictures of nature and visit historical places together.

They seem to fill up some of the blanks in my life that were created when my sweet partner was called Home. I was, and still am, having some rough times with all the visual reminders (triggers) that one finds in going to church and familiar places that we once shared. But now I feel relieved and lifted when my friends want me to be a part of their activities. I sometimes feel like I'm begging them to take me in, and am a little shy about feeling that way. They try to reassure me that I am not inserting my needs into their lives. Thanks to their loving natures I know that adjustment will come.

Being single, whether before a partnership or afterward, is tough to most folks. So I give thanks to my Maker that he has caused my path to cross that of these sweet ladies, and we can give each other the encouragement to make all our lives more comfortable and less burdensome.


I hope that others who find themselves faced with losses of spouses, friendships, social affiliations, or whatever have the good fortune to find new supporters that can reinvigorate their daily existence through new friendships and caring.

Now I have new things to look forward to. Some will fill the moments where I could slide back into depressive thoughts. Others will keep me focused and looking up.

Meandering Landscape

Sometimes I feel like a walking contradiction. On the one hand I try to be so organized and get all my ducks in a row. On the other, I'm always uncomfortable about not having things together with a focus of direction. It has been this way most of my life.

These kinds of feelings are even stronger now that my best friend  is not with me on a day to day basis. We spent (no lived) so much time together that we always knew what the next day would bring. There was a kind of pre-defined organization to the calendar.

Sandra Lee "Rocky"

Sandy was always up on our appointments, people's birthdays, events for family, what was needed for tax records, etc. I was always amazed at how organized she was. There was little I had to be concerned about because she always brought me up to date or quizzed me about things I might have forgotten to plan for.

Now days I find myself questioning every move I need to make every morning. I faithfully check the online bank account to see if I forgot something and got overdrawn. I have to remind myself to take my morning pills, diabetes monitor and blood pressure to record for the next doctor visit. She made me promise her to take better care of myself after our parting. I'm doing my best, but I still get distracted and sometimes forget.


If it weren't for commitments like my Star Wars fan clubs activities, I'd have little focus other than home and medical necessities. Knowing that events are scheduled and there is sewing to do helps me to find a plan for the days ahead. For this I am grateful. I look forward to interacting with my fellow costumers, who've now become some of my closest friends. I now can try to watch over them and offer my feeble advice to try to help them find an easier and constructive way through turmoils that I've already experienced. It doesn't really matter if they take my advice, it's that I have a chance to express my concern and offer what might be helpful to them.


My hope is that as I get use to being on my own that I will feel more confident and relaxed about each approaching day, month, year. That I will see new opportunities for enjoying my time that remains in this realm. I have a strong knowledge and faith in what the eternal world has in store for myself and others, and that gives me support to keep looking onward.

It pains me to see other people facing similar life circumstances without much hope in what their future holds. I find myself tempted to approach someone who is sitting alone at a lunch table with a sadness in their eyes, whether they be old or young, wishing I could share with them the comfort of knowing there are things to look forward to. And once in a while the opportunity presents itself to talk with a stranger and make them feel less alone.

The good thing I am learning is just how quickly time moves as one matures (well... gets older). That I don't have to anticipate things for what seems like little eternities, like when I was a kid waiting for a vacation or contest award. It assures me that the realization of going Home and being with my beloved is not such a distant time and place. But I'm also reminded that there is less time to pull together the loose ends of my life before meeting her again. I think she is still trying to help me get organized. I need to pay more attention.

This is the first time in my many seasons that I find myself without a close companion. I've never actually lived alone. My brother always shared a room with me. I roomed with other fellows when I was away teaching my religious views. I settled down with a beautiful mate and had her by my side most of the days of my life.

Neither of my grandfathers outlived their spouses, so my expectation sometimes was for that to be the case with me. I so looked forward to preparing a place for us on the other side of the veil of mortality and of greeting her arrival. But somehow life's plan called for her to leave sooner than I had expected.

Don't get me wrong. We spent far more years together than many other couples where physical handicaps are a part of each day. It was the unknown factor of health that shaped our choices about future planning. It wasn't that we were neglectful, but we had no way of knowing how much time would be available to us. Thus it is truly amazing to look back on forty four years that passed  before us.

Now that she is released from her broken frame and enjoying feelings of freedom that she never experienced in life, I am becoming aware of how much she supported me and lifted me up when I was down. I guess many things go unnoticed when people are close to one another so much. But this new distance is revealing that our life was not an unbalanced load. She carried as much weight in caring for our home and children as I did in providing resources and maintaining our abodes. Why wasn't I more aware and appreciative while she was here?

We come into this world immediately demanding that our needs be met every moment. The longer we live we gradually learn to demand less and give more. Sandy truly gave more than she ever asked in return. Her concern for each of our family and friends was always there before our eyes. How is such a life taken for granted by those of us receiving this care?

The old adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder takes on new meaning now for me. I find myself thinking that going on without her is a burden I earned by not appreciating her more each moment we were together. I suppose that it's just a symptom of the period we call mourning, but part of me feels that this is the only way I can know the true power of another's love and caring. The bonds of our union now have a more solid reality. It is easy now to see them carrying us into the coming eternity.

Perhaps I will be able to see more clearly the need for closeness to others around me and to be more open about sharing precious time with whomever crosses my path. My most present hope is that I can stem the often flowing tides of emotion that bring me to my knees sobbing like a child. May be that is part of what our Lord meant when he said we should become as a little child. Children are not concerned with distant goals. They live in each moment and try to extract as much pleasure as their minds can conceive.

Some day I hope to be able to walk beside my wife, if only in the spirit, as I move through mortality and be comfortable in being together while apart. This is my true desire.

Mortality

I find myself sitting at the computer after 5 AM unable to find sleep again. Sandy needed to be moved to her side to relieve pressure from some wounds that are starting to worsen now that she is becoming unable to move herself even a little. This needs to be done at least every four hours. Her cancer and the morphine is quickly making it difficult to communicate with her, so I have to watch her reactions to my moving her in the hospital bed to see when she is comfortable or needs medication.

How did we get here so quickly? This question keeps running through my mind tonight. It's only been a few
weeks ago that I brought her home from the University of Washington Hospital with the prognosis that she might have six months remaining. We were planning that she could make it through Christmas so the children and their families wouldn't remember this time with sadness instead of joy.

I got all the family together on Monday evening after returning from the dialysis clinic. It had taken a major effort to get her dressed, in the car and then into the dialysis chair with a Hoyer lift that morning. When she was all snuggled under her blankets and ready to hook up they told us that her blood pressure was so low that it was too dangerous to dialyze. I had been hoping that if we could filter off the morphine in her system that she would be able to be rid of the lethargy that had set in from a weekend of no treatment. It had worked the Monday before, and she had been functioning almost normally that week with regular dialysis sessions.

It became obvious that this was the moment we had been dreading, that she would be unable to make it to more sessions and would be starting the process of truly dying.

I let the children know that if they wanted to spend some time with their mom while she could still respond to them that they should visit now or as soon as possible, because the rapid progress of the tumor and her meds were going to put her in a mental mist quite soon. So we spent the evening visiting around her. We told stories and laughed with her. But everyone could see what was taking place with her attention, so there were also lots of tears and tissues passed around. Our bishop dropped by accidentally to deliver a package I had requested earlier in the week. It was so good to have everyone around us with lots of hugging and supportive words.

But how did we get here so quickly?

Today, Tuesday, each of the daughters came by to visit. They too could see how Sandy was sliding deeper into herself and wanting to sleep. We had our first visit with the hospice social worker. Later the hospice nurse came by to dress the wounds and met the girls. When she left I asked one of the girls to stick around while I did some errands in town.

It was while crossing the trestle into Everett that I realized a personal significance of my question about the speed we were approaching Sandy's demise. I even mentioned it to a lady at the drive up teller window at the bank who has been a friend and serving us for years. "Sandy came to me just before Christmas over forty four years ago, and it looks like she will be leaving me in a similar time."

I'm not sure why the timing seems so significant, but it reminded me of how people still today refer to the fact that Mark Twain was born on the arrival of Halley's Comet and died on it's return. The timing seems to give the event special meaning and remembrance. Like the person was so special that a special event should accompany them in life.

Sandy and I were certainly brought together in a special way, so why shouldn't her trip Home be marked by a special event like Christmas season? Whether or not she leaves this life later or sooner, I will always remember how truly "special" she was not only to me, but to all the lives she touched with kindness and love.

Well, I'm finally growing weary, and might be able to find some more sleep in the next few hours before I need to move her again. So I finish this entry for my friends to know the sadness and hope I feel now, even if we have gotten here so quickly.

Keep your loved ones close and let them know you truly care. Time is nothing we can control. Goodnight.

There Must Always Be An Opposition In All Things

While reading a scriptural interpretive concern of a good friend tonight, it occurred to me that there is always another side to most every concept in this world. Not recognizing this can and does often lead to much misunderstanding and social confusion.

In my response to my friend I used the illustration of a coin having two different sides while remaining just one coin. This is referred to as duality. It can be a mental stretch to accept and visualize duality in relation to life, science and religion. But it is worth the effort to see beyond the immediate face of any idea or issue to find another side or view that may give completeness to the whole.

You will hear common phrases like, "Read between the lines" or "Look at it from another viewpoint." What I believe they are expressing is that there is always more to be found or learned if we look a little deeper... to the other side.

Unfortunately for most Western minds the concept of duality is not considered acceptable. We tend to be straight line thinkers. We go from A to B to C, etc. to reach a conclusion. For some reason we don't like to think outside the straight path. The very thought that we can approach ideas from other perspectives like say C to A to B, seems too disorganized for consideration. So we always demand a repeatable straight approach to a proof, and rather than look for other possible approaches (or sides), when not arriving at a result we will dump the whole approach and start over in another straight approach from a different starting point.

Eastern minds, on the other hand, seem to sense that all things exhibit more than one appearance (or side) that can be approached directly or indirectly to learn what it's present face reveals, but also what it's opposite face may show. They seem to accept that any thing or thought can be two (or more) things at the same time and place (a duality).

Scientists have for many years and presently are searching for a succinct and singular formula that will describe the entire universe. They are inspired by concepts like Einstein's E=mc² which opened numerous doors into understanding more about the universe. But even Einstein was unable in the remainder of his life to make any progress on the "unified theory".

Elemental concepts, like whether matter is energy or particles, remain unseparated to this day. There are whole schools of theorists in either camp. Those who believe everything is energy have developed quantum mechanical concepts like string theory which says everything is made of tiny vibrating strings of energy forming patterns that make up larger elements. While those who feel all things are made of particles keep trying to break elements down to smaller and smaller units.

Sadly they are wasting much time and skill pursuing a goal that cannot be accomplished with math or any other tool of science. They may finally some day realize that all they had to do was listen to the prophetic teachers of the ancient past who described that there must needs be an opposition in ALL things. If this were not so then true chaos would reign and all reality would collapse into oblivion.

On the other hand (or side), think of the progress to understanding the mechanics of the universe if we just accepted that duality IS the nature of all things. It is the very richness of being a sentient lifeform! So to truly unlock the universal secrets is as simple as allowing everything to have a dual nature, and to take that into account when using the tools of science, rather than fighting to rule it out.

It is so easy for people to accept the idea that while we have physical bodies that can be seen and felt they also contain separate internal spiritual bodies or force that causes them to be animated (living). This is definitely a duality of huge proportions! So why is it so far fetched for them to accept that there are immeasurable dualities making up the entire universe?


Well, it may just be another way that our Creator protects us from discovering more truths than we are ready to receive at this stage of our development. But the answers are available. They are kind of like Area 51 in that they are hidden in plain sight.

I look forward to the day when we are rejoined with our Father and begin the next stages of learning not only how everything works, but how we can use that knowledge to be creators also.


The picture of the jellyfish above is just a reminder that while an entity may look like a single thing it may actually be many things in one. How would men before science have ever understood that one animal could actually at the same time be many animals joining together? 

The Pain of Loss

One acquires friends for several reasons. But to me the most important is to share the joys and burdens of living in an imperfect world. If we had to carry all our own baggage alone, it would be hard sometimes to look up into the light rather than only seeing the plodding step below us.

A good friend is right now in pain for the loss of a close loved one. Intellectually we all know that one day we will die from this life, but that doesn't make the impact of its reality any less when it comes into our world through such a loss.

Friendship gives us each a part of that suffering even if we aren't present at the event. Our empathetic feelings cause us to ponder on the wonders and vagaries of life and a desire to reach out a hand to lift off the sadness of our friends. It seems so unfair when wonderful and kind people or innocent children pass into the beyond. But friends become all the more important to temporarily gather in to the space that has opened as an abyss to the sufferer of the loss.

My friend, Hendel, has suddenly lost her beloved mother. She is now focusing on the nature of the life they shared as parent and offspring. Memories not revealed over the passing years are now the substance of the present.

We somehow feel that recalling past thoughts will cause the image of the loved one to be real. It seems that we fear that if we don't relive our images of the person that they will disappear too swiftly, like losing a fine jewel into a stream and can never be found again.

The question arises as to why do or should we mourn a loss of a loved one. I have come to feel after losing a son in a sudden death that without passing through that experience I would never be able to truly be the kind of friend that is needed at such a time. My own loss could actually help another person find their way back from that abyss of the unknown.

While it is true that each person feels uniquely their own pains of mourning, it is also true that confidence in the sharing of another increases when they too have experienced a personal death transition. All of us need to know that the person trying to console us has felt similar pain and thought similar thoughts, but managed to come out on the other side with only a scar on their heart and not a catastrophe.

I have also learned that while a person is in the throws of agony no consoling or encouragement will be of any value to the mourner. What can be extremely valuable is that a friend stands nearby and waits for the trembling hand to be extended for support. That is when we can contribute to their life and recovery. For this is the opportunity to stand in the place of the invisible arm of the Creator to surround them with the warmth of a parent's love.

We have to take on faith that the one who has passed on is also receiving that arm wrapped about their shoulders in the other realm. And they both will be waiting to receive us in our turn.

I will stand by for my friend. If she doesn't need a shoulder from me then I will be all the happier, because I will know that there have been enough friends before me who have lifted some of the burden.

I look forward to the next opportunity to troop together while we continue our days of learning.